Newest Clean Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

deep. cleaning. :K

yor forehead is so big, mr clean thought he would hire you

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Grass is green I am the queen if only I can see u scream or the screen

Thing that rhyme with green queen screen clean between been .....................

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help

ChEesE

I searched up self harm jokes clean but I couldn't find any :[

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself. It's really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or is the soap dirty

I respect woman’s choices....either she wants to cook first, then clean or is she wants to clean first the cook

I believe in a woman's right to choose... ... whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

Roses are red violets or blue your ass is Is clean because randy won’t stop liking

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Yo Father. Don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anul plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass of. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you Jesus for creating baptism.

Lady: Can I lick your balls? Me: Ummmmm, Ok? Lady: grabs ball sack and licks my balls Me: I gonna have to clean these now Lady: Let me do that Me: No thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!