Church jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "dad."
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What did the racist Catholic priest say?
"Martin Luther? Not my king!"
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Priest
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?
If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"