You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father les.
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What's wite and black and red allover? A nun that fell down stairs
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
Why do orphans like to go to church? So they have someone to call father. If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
