Chuck jokes

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...

Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

Bees don't sting Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris stings bees.

Chuck Norris once pissed in the tank of a semi as a joke.

It is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris is a ham weiner.

Chuck Norris is...

What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.

Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?

Bruce Lee was no joking matter.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.