Chuck jokes

Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once went to hell.

After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Foi o Chuck Norris que fez o parto da sua mãe.

Chuck Norris drove his parents to school.

Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?

Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”

Chuck Norris is the opposite to Oliver Savage.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

"Peter, Peter come to me!"

So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

Chuck Norris doesn’t go to heaven; Heaven comes to Chuck Norris. RIP.

Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.