Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity TWICE
Chuck Norris docent get sun burns the sun knows better
Me: *makes chuck norris meme* Internet: *all the other memes are dead now* Me: well shit.
John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin wall
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road. He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. "Chuck, how ya doin'? The missus doin' good?" "Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I'm done." This caught the bartender by surprise. "Chuck, come on, don't be sayin' that. Just look to the future and you'll be fine." "What future?" Chuck replied in a huff. "My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they'll all suffer, and I don't want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don't know what to do." "You know, you've got a good heart for a rooster your age," Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I'm tellin' ya, there will be more than what's happenin' right now, ya know, life's got all its gears turning for ya, and there's just a bit slow right now. The gears haven't been oiled in a while, but who's the only one who can fix that?" Chuck knew the answer. "Me." Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken's Whiskey, on the house." Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either. "No thanks, Phil," Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways." He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?" Chuck's comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence. He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked... worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them... and all looking out of the window back at him. A single tear welled in Chuck's eye. The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.
Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise
Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with me beard". Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull"
Chuck Norris: " Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose" Me: "How come did you lose return of the dragon?"
chuck Norris get`s pulled over by cop and the cop gets a ticket
chuck norris dosen't ride horses Horses ride him
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back
Why was the Twin Towers knocked over? Chuck Norris was leaning on one of them.
