Children jokes

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I'm not a robot, but orphans are.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

I’m about to go to the orphanage to say yo mama jokes.

What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.

Eggy joke for all to enjoy!

What do 7 year old girls want?

To be ate!

Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!

I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.

What film do orphans hate?

"Instant Family."

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Me: "Cya"

Mom: "Where ya going?"

Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."

Mum: ...

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

What do you call gay parents?

Poly.