What is the difference between an orphan and a non- orphan, you can slap the orphan but not the non- orphan because they can actually tell their parents
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
I'm not a robot, but orphans are.
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
