Children jokes
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their home base.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
This isn't a joke, but in some countries, children eat their shit for better digestion when constipated.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.