Children jokes

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

How are orphans and blind kids similar?

They both have never seen their parents :)

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

If aliens were real,

then orphans would finally have a home.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

Who is the best at musical chairs?

The kid in the wheelchair.

What did the kids say hi to? A slide.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

Are all orphans home-a-phobic?

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.