Children jokes

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

How do people grade pedophiles?

1st grade to 8th grade.

(I know it's orphan jokes but still)

Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister.

Daughter: But I don't have a sister.

Dad: Exactly.

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.

All the children ate at the Indian restaurant, except for Simon, because he was eaten by the restaurant owner.

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do McDonalds and priests both do?

They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.