In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
