Child safety jokes

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?

One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”