Child safety jokes

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?

One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

When the school lets you near children again...

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.