I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
Will Smith's slap was like 9/11. It came in unexpectedly and will go down in history.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
