Celebrity jokes
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.
Your hairline is so [bad] Will Smith can't slap it back in place.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."