Celebrity jokes
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
What is Gaten Matarazzo's favorite song?
"Dust in the Wind."
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
I bet Kobe failed flying school.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
Will Smith slapped your hairline to space.
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.
Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.