Celebrity jokes
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
Why does Michael Jackson like to play golf?
He likes to hit small white balls.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
What do you call Snoop Dogg’s giant turd?
Poop Logg.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.