Cat Jokes

What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.

Hello ppls, I'm lilkitten ig.

Puss.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"