Cat

Cat Jokes

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasnā€™t funny to you, then your hard boiled, thatā€™s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like ā€œYouā€™ve gotta be KITTEN me.ā€ Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didnā€™t? Oh, alright, thatā€™s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didnā€™t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didnā€™t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He B*NED her. No? Alright. Those didnā€™t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

Hey I have a joke!! Whatā€™s the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of its clause!! šŸ¤£

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!' but it wasn't really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came.............................

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy??!!! arn't u MAD!!!!!!! then she replied who's THAT!!??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN'T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said....................... oh he's moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma'm where! SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit eitheršŸ§ i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part twoā˜ŗā˜ŗā˜ŗ

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats donā€™t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You donā€™t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats arenā€™t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"Iā€™m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! please help, please help!"

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On reddit now. u/Long-Cat-4047. Also email is heavenskala1@gmail.com or Gowiththeflow349@gmail.com

In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.

With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.

Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.

Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.

A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.

With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.

Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.

But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.

And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.