Why did the rapper always carry a flashlight?
To SHINE A LIGHT on his talent!
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?
Chew-chew train! Hee hee!
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Why did the rapper always carry a camera?
Because he wanted to "capture" the rap star!
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
So he could navigate his way through the rap game.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
Why did the rapper carry a notebook everywhere?
To jot down his RAP-SODIES.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
