Cant jokes
Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?
Because they don't have a family to go with.
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.
Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?
Because white people have white privilege.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
What do you call a rapper who can’t rap?
A wrapper with no FILLING.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
Unemployed.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.