Cant jokes
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Your hairline is so screwed that Michael Jackson can't even moonwalk to your hairline.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
Why can't an orphan build a website? Because it won't have a homepage.
Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Can't wait for Stephen Hawking's next update.
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.
Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?
Because they can’t find their parents.
Why can’t orphans drink? Because they don’t have any money.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? 'Cause they can’t find home plate.
My sister is so short she can't walk.
I told this man to rev his vehicle.
Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a home run.