Canning jokes

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?

From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?

Hi.

Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?

One can feed a family.

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?