Canning jokes

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?

One can feed a family.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Prince will be coming back in 10 mins here is a joke.

Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting someone else instead. You've just been a complete jackass toward me, sorry good night.

Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: Good night!

Prince: Why?

Gwen: Because...now good night!

Prince: We can work some things out?

Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!

To be continued

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, go tell their parents?

Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Can I die?

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.