Canning Jokes

What type of jam can you not eat?

Traffic jam.

Why do orphans go to church?

It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

The image contains three panels from the movie "Inside Out" with a 9mm bullet superimposed on the character Joy. In the first panel the bullet says, "Oh my gosh, I'm 9mm bullet." In the second panel, the bullet says, "Where can I put my stuff?" In the third panel, the original characters look at the bullet and the text says "wow a 9mm bullet".

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."

Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.