Canning jokes
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
Can emos eat happy meals?
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Why do orphans love tennis?
Because it is the only place they can get love.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?
Answer: Loneliness.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.