What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Canning Jokes
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
