Canning jokes

People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?

Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.

Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.

Scroll down for explanation.

Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home? Was your dinner night and dinner night?

What's the difference between a human and a tree?

A human can chop down a tree.

A tree can't chop down a human.

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

How do you make a trash can leak?

Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!

What can orphans not do in school?

Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.

You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Why do orphans like baseball so they can know what a real home is?

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

What kind of nuts come in cans?

Creamed a-corn.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.