Canning jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?
Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.
Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.
Scroll down for explanation.
Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Memes
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.
What can orphans not do in school?
Why do orphans like baseball so they can know what a real home is?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?
Brother: Why though?
Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
Hey Abygail ;) can we talk? I just wanna say that you prob are sexy :)