Canning jokes

Why can orphans have a phone? Because they can find the home button.

Eibar-Man! Eibar-Man! Does whatever a ghost can.

Scores a tapin With Xaviesta’s assistance. Misses a pen From close distance.

Lookout! Here comes the Eibar-man!

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?

Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.

Why can an orphan go to a store to buy something and what can come back home?

Because they don't have a home.

What's the difference between Batman and Robin?

Batman can go to the store without robbin'.

We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

Y'know what's really sad?

Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?

What is a car that runs and can't?

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

What is the difference between a human and a bird?

A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.

The woman's body is shaped like a penis. If see a naked female body bent over, her butt looks like testicles, while her head can be seen as the head of a penis.

This is the same if she lies down right side up with her knees up and legs spread. If she lays upside down with her knees up and legs spread, her boobs are like testicles and her pelvic area is like the head of a penis. If you look at the shape of a vagina, it’s shaped like a penis with the lips looking like testicles and the clit looks like the schlong.