Canning jokes

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

Why can orphans not play baseball? They can't hit a home run.

Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.

Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...

Why can you hit an orphan?

Because they can’t tell their parents.

You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?

The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?

Why do orphans become hookers?

'Cause they can call someone "daddy."

Just a pickup line.

"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."

Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?

The turtle, because it can walk.

Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?

Because they both split away from their family.

What is the difference between a laser beam and a trash can?

A trash can doesn't rage.

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?