Canning jokes
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
Who can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some are still in the air.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
Memes
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
Why can orphans not play baseball? They can't hit a home run.
Who can relate?
NOT A RICK ROLL https://youtube.com/shorts/nnEQ5aWyO9U?feature=share
Can teachers give homework to orphans?
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.
Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.
Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?
A: Because they're never wanted.
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”
He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?