A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
By:Xzavier
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer, that at least i can scan my worth at the supermarket.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing to her about being suicidal, she's been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man better than another heterosexual man? experience
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?". The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!".
Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
the gayest person in the world is pacman. you can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can ́t Run
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
When I die can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
