Canning Jokes

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

What is the difference between a human being and a tree?

A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.

Comment if you can relate🤌

The meme shows two images. The first is an image of Michael Scott looking tense and the text "ME" above it. The second image is of a crying cat and the text "MY SISTER" above it. The text above both images says "Me: *Sneaking out with my sister* My sister: *Stubs her toe*"

What has 4 wheels and can fly? A garbage truck.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: Because they don't have anyone they can call "Daddy."

Charger: Yo, Phone.

Phone: Yeah?

Charger: Can I plug all in you?

Phone: Ayooo!

I am unable to create content from URLs. Please provide text so that I can fulfill your request.

What thing can jump the highest?

Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?

Answer: You can unscrew the nail.

Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?