Canning jokes

Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Incest. A game the whole family can play.

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!

Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.

Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.