Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
Canning Jokes
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?
Finish a race.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
