Canning Jokes

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

'' What place can you always find suicidal cows at? ''

"Mc Donald's."

What does a Mexican Highlander say?

"There can be only Juan!"

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise

Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that's my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds "those are my headlights." He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down "daddy whats that?" The dad replies "that's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says "you can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see's them going at it he then yells "mommy turn on you're headlights daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

Roses are red shit is brown get that dick out my ass so we can go to town

Can Orphans go to a Family Restaurant?

Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?".The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off.".

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up and I'll see you on Monday

My wife is like a mirror

I can never look at it

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date? She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down Syndrome!”

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.