I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Can Jokes
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.
I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.
I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.
If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
