It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesn’t have a home button.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex? She closes the car door
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
