But jokes

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

One man walked into a bar. A second man walked into a bar, but the third guy ducked.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?