But jokes

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

I created a website for orphans, but there was no homepage.

I have a really good construction joke.

But I'm still working on it.

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!