But jokes

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

The towers ordered pepperoni but got plane.

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.

I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.

Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but only got plane.

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably crash and burn.

I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.

I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

The depressed kid tried to high five the tree.

But the tree left him hanging!

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...