But jokes

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

  • 5

    • Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

    Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

    "Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

    "Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

    When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

    The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

    After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

    "How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

    It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

    Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

    What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

    A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

    When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

    A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

    The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

    Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"

    (dude wtf)

    What's a snake's favorite subject?

    Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.

    One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

    Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

    "Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

    "I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

    Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

    Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

    Santa: "Done!"

    Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

    Santa: "Done!"

    Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

    Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

    Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

    So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

    After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

    Man: "I am 35 years old."

    Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

  • 1

    • A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

    The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

    The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

    Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?

    Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.

    Do you have dark humor?

    Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

    Secret code that Bin Laden sent to Obama but couldn't decipher!

    It was eloHssA OllEH!!

    There are two types of faces:

    The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

    Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

    Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.