But jokes

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I was about to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was too plane.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

Why are the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered burgers, but what they got was plane.

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I guess in British chess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without two towers.

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?

(Doesn't have boss bar.)

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.