What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, huh?
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Butt hehe.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to take a crap... she couldn't even take a crap!
I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"
Gimme a nickel or I'll tickle your pickle!
My friends' titties are bigger than my sakuras.
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
