Being jokes
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Me: That’s a good WAVE.
Friend: I SEA it.
Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.
Me: I was SHORE it would be good.
Friend: I SEA what you did there.
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.