Being jokes

I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.

I woke up and my pillow was gone.

If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!

Me: That’s a good WAVE.

Friend: I SEA it.

Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

Friend: I SEA what you did there.

Most states: "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends." Alabama: "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

What's so wrong about Trump being in office?

He steals all the cats.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.