Being jokes
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?
Because they won't be there to stick around.
Yo mama so fat when she step on a scale it say, "To be continued..."
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
Your hairline is so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back.
Your life can't be a joke; a joke has meaning.
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Why can't an orphan be a criminal?
They aren't wanted.
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "Daddy."
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.