Being jokes

Dog

    • Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

    The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

    Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

    On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

    This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

    Pilot

    • pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

    passengers: *start freaking out*

    pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

    passengers: *sigh with relief*

    pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

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    • Orphan

    • This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

    So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

    Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

    Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

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