Bars jokes

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?

A: Flip the chair upside down.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."