Bars jokes
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
Memes
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite candy bar?
Milk-hee-hee Way.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...