Bars jokes
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.
The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar...
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”