Bad jokes

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

BAD!!!!!!

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!

Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.

You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

Pete: Knock, knock...

Paul: Who's there?

Pete: Boo...

Paul: Boo who?

Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!

Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!

Why couldn’t wheelchair Harry Potter go to Hogwarts?

They had no wheelchair ramps or elevators...

Wanna hear a joke?

Feminism.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.