What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Knock, knock. (Whose there?) Bill Cosby. (Bill Cosby who?) Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it
come back old members
Old members come back, we’re bullying the pussies and idiots off the site.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
I asked my friend "shouldn't we have 6 senses?" he replied "what is the 6th sense?" "common sense" I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention" never mind" I said.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
your hairlines so ugly it made michael Jackson lean back
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
