Aviation jokes

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.

The twin towers: No, it won't.

I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?

The first airplane.

Roses are red, violets are violet.

My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.

What's simultaneously up and down?

A retard on a plane.

Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.

I crashed into those motherfuckers! 😂😂😂

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?

A: They don't belong in buildings.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What's 9/11 survivors' least favorite NFL team?

New York Jets.

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.