New Astronaut Jokes

Why did the rapper become an astronaut?

To drop some BARS in SPACE!

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?

Mars bars.

Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?

Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket!

What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.

Why did the cow go to outer space?

To see the moooon!

What was the first sport played on the moon?

Capture the flag.

What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!

What do you call a student in space?

An astrodent.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.